is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
