don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
