So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
