then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
