i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
