i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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