too bad you live with your parents still
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
