Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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