you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
