the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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