you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
