he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
