Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
