My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
