It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
