When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
