You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
