whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
