I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the condom got lost in my hair
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
