dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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