video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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