There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
