I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
