I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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