me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
