It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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