put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
