I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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