guys are only as good as the porn they watch
smell my finger.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
