What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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