I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Randomize
