we're chasing vodka with high fives
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
