Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
