I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
