Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
