Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
