If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
