we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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