everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
