Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
