I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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