Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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