Non-Jews are for practice
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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