"it" just moved
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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