i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
