Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
