im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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