if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
