I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
