Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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